Sheri here –
Last week, I talked about “just say no” in my last blog (see blog here); but, saying no when other people aren’t accustomed to you setting your boundaries is hard. Saying no is easier when you have boundaries.
When I get uncomfortable about saying “No”, I know I need to look at whether I have appropriate boundaries in place.
Do you have good boundaries in place? If so, high five and take a victory lap!
What are boundaries?
Boundaries are like the white lines on a tennis court. They set the area where the game gets played.
If a tennis ball goes outside the line, it is out of bounds. Each player is responsible for calling a ball out on their side of the net.
In personal boundary setting, it is the court where your life takes place. You are responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries!
Setting your boundaries is letting others know how you choose to be treated.
Sometimes easier said than done, eh?!
Why does this matter?
Ever notice how you use your boundaries in everything you do? What you eat, how you spend money, who you spend time with, how you define healthy relationships, how long you tolerate toxic situations, how you treat your body. The list goes on.
Your boundaries teach others how to treat you.
When you feel people are pushing you around or violating your boundaries, it is because you haven’t called a boundary fault.
You can’t call a boundary fault, if there is no boundary.
Boundary setting is a skill.
How do you set boundaries?
Some general guidelines for setting your boundaries:
- Paint the boundary lines for yourself and others.
- Advise others of the boundaries, what is or is not acceptable.
- Call something out of bounds when it occurs.
- Observe your own boundaries.
- Apply your boundaries consistently.
Sounds easy when you say it fast! Each of these items are worthy of an in-depth discussion of their own.
If you weren’t taught how to set boundaries or you were taught your boundaries didn’t matter, then setting boundaries is a challenge. This is where you might need some help. Send me an email and we’ll connect for next steps!
P.S. How about you? Are you skilled with setting boundaries? Or do you have a way to go. Need some help? Reach out and send me a note here and we’ll figure out next steps together!