Boundaries

Create Your Values Statement

Sheri here –

Recently, I had a situation that had me confused and befuddled about the choice I needed to make.

The details aren’t important; but what is: how I made a decision, how I chose which direction to go.

My values, my personal operating system, my moral code was key in my making that decision.

Even with those guideposts, that decision, which path to take, took a LOT of soul searching, a lot of prayer and meditation.

Once I made that initial decision, which direction to go, the next steps came more easily.  Even those steps weren’t easy, but my heart knew I was moving in the right direction for ME.

What drives you to create your values statement?

You may already have a set of values, but they may not necessarily be easily visible to you.   Maybe it is time well spent to formalize them, so they are easily recognizable!

When I first formally documented my values, I was in the middle of a personal life crisis – my world as I knew it was starting to tumble.  I was feeling rudderless and needed some direction.

Somewhere I had heard that having a life purpose and values could help in situations such as mine.  I got curious.  That search was lifesaving then, some 25 years ago, and many times since.

You don’t have to wait until you have a personal crisis to create your value statement.  It just takes a decision to spend the time.

How do you create your values statement? 

Where do you start?

Start by getting quiet, thoughtful.  If you meditate, meditate.  Or take a walk or sit quietly in your favorite peaceful place.

Think about what’s important in your life.  How you want to live and act. 

These are specific things that you may want to consider – Your:

  • Spiritual relationship
  • Family and Friends
  • Passion projects – your service commitments
  • Health
  • Self-care
  • Learning
  • Honesty & integrity
  • Loyalty
  • Fun & play
  • Generosity
  • Gratitude
  • Kindness
  • Resiliency

The list goes on and on.  Each of us are different. Choose 5 or 7 key things, but no more than 10.

Then rank them!

Why rank them?  Sometimes we have conflicts in our focus or how we will spend our time.

Knowing what’s most important will guide you in making choices or where you draw boundaries.

This is a world filled with lots of choices, your values can be your filter to narrow them down.

Keep in mind, this process may take some time.  It is time well spent! 

Ciao,

Sheri

P.S. Drop a comment below if you are struggling to figure this out and need some support, I can help!

Setting Your Boundaries!

Sheri here –

Last week, I talked about “just say no” in my last blog (see blog here); but, saying no when other people aren’t accustomed to you setting your boundaries is hard. Saying no is easier when you have boundaries.

When I get uncomfortable about saying “No”, I know I need to look at whether I have appropriate boundaries in place.

Do you have good boundaries in place? If so, high five and take a victory lap!

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are like the white lines on a tennis court. They set the area where the game gets played.

If a tennis ball goes outside the line, it is out of bounds. Each player is responsible for calling a ball out on their side of the net.

In personal boundary setting, it is the court where your life takes place. You are responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries!

Setting your boundaries is letting others know how you choose to be treated.

Sometimes easier said than done, eh?!

Why does this matter?

Ever notice how you use your boundaries in everything you do? What you eat, how you spend money, who you spend time with, how you define healthy relationships, how long you tolerate toxic situations, how you treat your body. The list goes on.

Your boundaries teach others how to treat you.

When you feel people are pushing you around or violating your boundaries, it is because you haven’t called a boundary fault.

You can’t call a boundary fault, if there is no boundary.

Boundary setting is a skill.

How do you set boundaries?

Some general guidelines for setting your boundaries:

  • Paint the boundary lines for yourself and others.
  • Advise others of the boundaries, what is or is not acceptable.
  • Call something out of bounds when it occurs.
  • Observe your own boundaries.
  • Apply your boundaries consistently.

Sounds easy when you say it fast! Each of these items are worthy of an in-depth discussion of their own.

If you weren’t taught how to set boundaries or you were taught your boundaries didn’t matter, then setting boundaries is a challenge. This is where you might need some help. Send me an email and we’ll connect for next steps!

Ciao,

Sheri

P.S. How about you? Are you skilled with setting boundaries? Or do you have a way to go. Need some help? Reach out and send me a note here and we’ll figure out next steps together!

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